Chow ki na Chow (Whether you want it or not)

Yesterday was World Food day and hence through our show we tried to find out what featured in the top favourite street foods in this part of the country. The ratings were very similar to what we had expected, the top five favourites were chat, phuchka, biriyani, momo but the undoubted winner was  chowmein...

As we discussed about the mouth watering delicacies, a lovely article on a leading news daily came to my notice:

“Haryana khap blames consumption of chowmein for rapes

CHANDIGARH: A khap panchayat in Haryana's Jind district has blamed consumption of chowmein behind the growing incidents of rapes in the state saying it leads to hormonal imbalance." Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts," said Jitender Chhatar, a resident of Jind's Chhatar village and thua khap panchayat leader.”

For all those who disbelief the authenticity of this article they are most welcome to Google the same.

Well, people in general, scientist and doctors till now have not been able to justify the claims of Jitender Chhatar.

“This is just one of those stupid illogical statements the khap makes to gain publicity” exclaimed a listener who apparently found the statements entertaining. But given the fact that such “solutions” keep on coming from different powerful eminent personalities the last one being “Marry off girls at 16 to check rape” one  has to wonder what can be done to check the same.

 Possible solution 1:  Put a cello tape on the mouths of such leaders

Possible solution 2:  Take responsibility, as any developed society can guarantee a minimum level of security to its inhabitants.

 Possible solution 3:  Marry off all the girls by age 14,.... make the population problem worse,.... stop eating chowmien and.... hope and pray that such heinous crimes do not take place.

 The decision is in our hands. Given the state of affairs it’s high time we act responsibly...... ‘Chow ki na Chow’.

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HOLY... WAT...errrrr!!!

Do you know this woman in the picture above ?... Surely you do if you live in India... She is just a pious devout soul taking a dip in the holy water... However looking closely at the items floating in the sacred stream will surely make rational souls scream “What! Errrr… “

India is the country over a million forms of Gods and Goddesses.  In each part of the country a particular deity is often considered most important and worshiped piously. These religious rituals take form of festivities and celebrations that unify the community in general. In Bengal the most important celebration is Durga Puja. The nine days long puja starts with Mahalaya on which day is customary to perform tarpan, a ritual to show respect to one’s deceased ancestors.

This Mahalaya (i.e. 2 days back) I chanced to go to the river Mahananda at 4:00am while the tarpan process (a religious offering for ancestors) was being made.  A crowd of people waited patiently to take a dip in the ‘holy water’. 

To understand the ritual better I decided to follow on particular random person, Mr. X.  After slowly making his way to the river bank Mr. X chose a Pandit (Hindu priest) for himself. I looked around to find the entire ghaat filled with ‘Pandits’ clad in orange, with tattered bundles of hindu religious texts in their hands. Carefully Mr. X took off his pants and shirt and placed in a neat stack. Then he waded his way into the sacred river. As the Pandit started to explain through a beautifully written passage about the significance of taking a dip in the ‘pure’ ,’pristine’, ‘holy water’ of the river, the statistics showing Mahananda as a river with one of the highest Fecal Coliform level (Central Pollution Control Board, 2010) started haunting me. I stared at the water that looked pretty murky. “Maybe it’s just the rain that has turned the water muddy”, I consoled myself.

In accordance to the ritual of tarpan Mr. X took a fistful of water and chanted a few Sanskrit mantras and poured the water back into the river as a offering to the deities. As he poured the water I watched in surprise as a plastic bag full of garbage floated right past him. Mr. X took up a fistful of water and emptied it into the river again... this time the an empty toothpaste tube floated past him,  ironically the toothpaste brand advertised of its 24 hours protection skills. Before I could react Mr. X had started taking dips in the river, which by now I was confident was anything but ‘pure’ as empty cartons continued to float all around him.  

Right after Mr. X left the spot ‘purified’ by his dips in the holy water, a woman (picture above) took her place. Exalted by the opportunity of taking dips in the pure water, she took the ritualistic bathing to another level all together. She pranced about in the water for some time, offered her prayers and then decided to gargle and wash her face with the ‘holy water’, all while a black plastic garbage bag floated by her side. This was all that my weak stomach could take. I left the spot that instant, both horrified and amazed.

Every year thousands of people take these ceremonious dips in this highly polluted water but yet hardly have we ever heard of cases of serious illness caused by the same. Whether to be shocked by the state of awareness about public health or to be amazed at the power of belief is up to the reader. But one thing is for sure, had I been the one taking the dips I would have definitely prayed to God

“Aise jagah pe dubkiya laga rahi hoon ... bhagwaan bacha lena(God please take care of my health) .... Holy Wat.... errrrrrrrrr”

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Mouse VS Mouse

From the time immemorial living beings have been fighting... fighting for survival. “Survival of the fittest” has been the rule of nature at large. These fights have been intraspecies as well as interspecies. For people like us who have been born and brought up in the urban parts of the country, far away from anything wild apart from ourselves, statements like these hardly make any sense. But the truth of the phrase “ survival of the fittest” became very clear to me yesterday after witnessing  a deadly encounter between two fierce combatants , my mouse(computer mouse) and a mouse.

The first neighbour I met after shifting here was the tenant of my ancestral wooden house, a small brown mouse with beady black eyes, silky smooth whiskers and a abnormally large tail with a white tip. From the look on its face it was very evident that it was as shocked to see us as we were. The initial encounter resulted in about five seconds of silence from utter shock followed by a shriek from both sides.  In the days that followed the mouse gave occasional appearances snacking on our garbage, or scampering down the verandah...   Slowly we came to notice that the small rodent was an incredibly talented go getter as well, adept at opening bottles, chewing down plastic containers, carrying away fruits and veggies almost double its size, doing it all with the cute innocent expression on its whiskery face.

In India mice are believed to be the vahana(pets) of the Hindu  god Ganesha. Thus killing or harming the little creature would be volunteering to face the wrath of the deity or at least that’s what my family chose to believe and hence we decided to pet it( as we had no other option), gave it the name ‘kuttush’(meaning: the one who nibbles) and gave it enough of garbage to gorge on. Things were going great, absolutely great till kuttush met the other mouse in the house.

Touchpads on laptops are not the most dependable of gadgets.  Hence we got for ourselves a new black mouse . As I surfed the web travelling to different countries, different chat rooms all by petting my brand new mouse I chose to ignore the sounds of disapproval from the little rodent residing on the false ceiling(kuttush does often make strange noises from there). The sounds grew louder and then it stopped. I worked on the computer till about 2 am before going off to sleep. Little did I know what was in store.

I woke up in the morning, switched on my computer, the cursor refused to move. After trying all possible buttons to restore movement I turned towards my brand new mouse. From the top it seemed to be in perfect condition but a little down the cable had been ripped to shreds at two points. Shocked my gaze went towards my laptop charger cable. As I came close I was horrified, two small bite marks on that as well. I angrily looked up at the false ceiling, all quiet now as morning meant bedtime for the little imp.

Thankfully the laptop wire could be fixed with plastic a cello tape.  But my new black mouse had to be thrown away at once as it was in a condition beyond repair. As I dumped wasted device into the vat I wondered what could have been the possible causes for this action

1.       My mouse loves to chew on cables: Then why did kuttush chose to chew on the mouse cable and not the other cables lying all around.

2.       My mouse loves Apple: Name matters and and anything with such a delightful name is sure to make even the anorexic hungry.

3.       My mouse was jealous of my mouse:  Gone are the days when little boys used to keep a turtle or a mouse as a pet to play with. In this new generation we seem to prefer a computer mouse and an Xbox. May be kuttush was jealous ... or simply scared that soon the mechanical shall take over the position of the real. The process has already started ... for example right now I prefer to blog you the story rather that write it down on a piece of paper.  Whether or not it is essential, beneficial etc is a different debate all together. But one thing for sure in this digital age many things will change and certain things shall become obsolete. This act by my house mouse may be just another signal.

The battle has begun ..... and only the fittest shall survive.

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Fair Or(n) Dark?

“Gore log nahi, mujhe kale log pasand hain(I don’t like fair guys, I like dark ones)”… a blushing Rani Mukherjee confesses on television. I notice a faint smile of relief on the faces of atleast two male friends who were watching the trailer of bollywood starlet Rani Mukherjee’s comeback film “Aiyya”  with me. I chuckled silently wondering what thoughts might be going on in the minds of my friends as I stared on at Rani dancing to the tunes of ‘dreamum wakupam’ . Tall…. Dark… Handsome….  has always been the criterion for attractiveness in men I told myself. But little did I know

“ Irony regards every simple truth as a challenge”  and mostly Irony wins.

The very next commercial was that of a male fairness cream. A young village lad applies the specific cream to get fair and ‘handsome’ in no time. I wondered whether the days of the tall dark and handsome guys had ended giving rise to a new breed of metrosexual males.

Fairness creams, lotions, gels, soaps etc have always had a huge market in India. According to WHO “61% of the dermatological market here consists of skin lightening products in India.” But till a few years back these were supposedly female products. In a society in which social stigma often dominates logical thinking, has the determinant of  attractiveness in men seriously changed so much in such a short span of time??

FLASHBACK

Girl’s evening out. We were discussing the same old topic… who were the hottest guys in class… athletes , musicians and hot bods of course the favourites. When the discussion turned towards a certain individual X,  all the girls had the same opinion “o boddo forsha … meyely. ”(he is too fair and hence a bit iffeminine). ‘Fair’ definitely did not mean handsome.

The very fact that these fairness creams are not at all good for skin is out in the open, side effects include damages to kidneys, lungs etc. But even after knowing all this why do people still feel the necessity to use these products I tried to figure out through my show.

Question 1: Why do Guys want to be Fair? And how many individuals have tried using them?

An overwhelming 73% of the callers confessed to have used a fairness product. Around 10 of them said that they used these creams daily.

The reason their usage was unanimous. A  few stated that it helped them gain confidence to face interviews etc. But about 98% of the men believed that fairness in skin helped them gain female attention.

That brings us to the second question

Question 2: Do girls feel that Fair guys are more handsome?

The results were quite the contrary. 53% said that skin tone did not matter when they chose their partners, what did matter was their overall health, fitness quotient and nature. While 41% stated that they still preferred Tall DARK Handsome men over their facial cream applied fairer counterpart.

Dimag Ki Batti Jalao Moment:

The results of the observation of show give us quite a remarkable situation. While the females seemingly don’t  care about the skin tones of their partners, often preferring darker men as the more macho segment, the males seem to be confident that being fair shall attract more females.

Strange, right? Strange as it may sound , it might be true…

Recap to all the fairness cream advertisements.

What do these advertisements sell? They sell dreams … dreams to belong…. to outshine …. to dominate… and the advocates of these products are often bollywood celebrities, who are  inspirational figures… whose  life everyone wants to replicate.

Realization: It seems that dreams just might have more power than logical reasoning and social stigma combined.

People often look after  animals, plants, birds, heritage sites etc when they are in danger. With the number of empty tubes of fairness creams the very existence of tall dark and handsome men in India seems to be in danger. Scared and concerned that soon enough their names might also be in the list of extinct species.

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The Great Political C(S)ymbal.

“Seven Deadly Sins

Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Science without humanity

Knowledge without character
Politics without principle
Commerce without morality
Worship without sacrifice.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

At present the scene of the world is such that all these seven sins are rampant. Whether politics exists in today’s world with principal or without it is a topic of a huge debate (in which people have already resorted to FAST measures to get answers). It is very difficult to say whether POLITICS at present cannot exist without PRINCIPLES.. But one thing is for sure POLITICS at present cannot exist without creative ELECTION SYMBOLS.

BREAKING NEWS:

A certain minister has just confirmed the speculations that he will be leaving his former political party. Apparently he is going to start a political party of his own and has already zeroed in on a name. But one problem persists, they have not been able to zero in on a  PARTY SYMBOL as of yet.

The entire morning the Media houses have gone on speculating as to what the symbol might be, suggested ones include bicycles, coconut trees, rava dosa, idly vada…. But this accentuated debate  on the most important topic of THE PARTY SYMBOL raised a question in my mind….

Why on earth are these party symbols sooooooo important????

FLASHBACK:

My first voting experience. Before entering the voting room I went on repeating in my head” …. there are only three contestants… chose one shree, chose carefully….”  After entering the voting room I find the electronic voting machine filled with buttons and symbols… Symbols ranging from pencils to umbrellas to bangles depicting political parties the very existence of which was unknown to me till then…

I spent a good 5 minutes admiring the creativity of the various colourful ELECTION PARTY SYMBOLS  and landed  voting for the party that had the most creative symbol( the name of which I don’t know till date!!!) hoping that that party would use some of its creativity to solve the our problems.

The Question remained the same “IS THE PARTY SYMBOL THAT IMPORTANT?”

“The Majority is always right, always, I tell you” Dr. Stockmann had said in An Enemy of the People. Hence to I tried to find the views and the opinion of the overwhelming majority through my radio show. While most people confessed of often voting for the parties with weird symbols just because of their loss of confidence on the prominent ones, the enthusiasm with which the people devised new and creative symbols that may be used for future political parties made me wonder, Have people in general lost their trust on politics and politicians? Do they vote now only because they HAVE to??…

If this is true then one thing is for sure the Creativity of the PARTY SYMBOLS shall become ever more important cause then someday they might be the sole determinant of the outcome of the elections.

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The K(i)ey!!!

“  ‘Mental’ na ho ke no one can be good in  media…”(no one can be good in media if they are not mad) a  professor of mine had said in his inaugural lecture in college. When I joined Red FM the regional head told me the very same thing “ Mental na hoye bhalo radio presenter howa jay na!!( you can’t be a good radio presenter if you are not mad).

It is indeed ironic (not at all intentional) that my first blog is being published on 10 October, World Mental Health day.

Now going by the words of my seniors if being ‘mental’ is the key to success in our field let us try to analyse the relationship between the words ‘mental’ and ‘creative’.

POSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP 1:  ALL MENTAL PEOPLE ARE CREATIVE.

This statement seems to be untrue. Proof of the same is available in any leading ‘mental’ hospital. The proportion of people who are creative and people who are creatively trying to block their creativity makes it pretty evident that the very definition of ‘creativity’ changes in these situations.

POSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP 2:  ALL CREATIVE PEOPLE ARE MENTAL.

My first brush with a ‘mental’ ‘creative’ person was in college. Most probably this was because of the fact that before college I rarely ever noticed people. That person had asked me a question “ Can you ever be Practical and creative?  To be creative one needs  to imagine. To imagine one has to analyse the numerous possibilities and solve the various permutations and combinations of probabilities and improbabilities. To do that effectively you have to fly away …. far away… away from all that is real and practical towards a land of your own…”

But is it possible for media professionals, people in the sector of communications to stay far away from the real world? Really speaking ..never. Reality is the margin that is preset for us. With that there is a restriction on how mental we can be.

A colleague of mine had once stated “ Talking crap is talking mental and  not creative, but talking different is.”   ‘ Different’ that is the difference between the meaning of the term ‘mental.’  Different, Hatke, something that has never been done before, something that others will not dare to do, that is perhaps the ‘mental’ which is the key to success.

Thus this World Mental Health Day…………. cheers to us all who call ourselves Mental!!

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Aum Bhur bhuvah svahah
Tat savitur varenyamm
Bhargo Devasya dheemahi
Dheeyo yonah prachodayaat.

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